Yellow

I drank and I liked the taste of it.

I drank and I didn’t make haste of it.

I drank and I couldn’t bear wasting it.

I was five and the bottle was green.

She was crying and he sat serene.

I took a sip, and I hid, unseen.

Did I know when I drank, I was teasing death?

Did I know how I mocked life’s precious breath?

I did not.

Nobody told me.

I drank and I liked the taste of it.

I drank and I didn’t make haste of it.

I drank and I couldn’t bear wasting it.

I was twelve and it was how I made friends.

We would sit and drink in a guy’s stolen Benz.

And we joked that we’d drink until this world ends.

Did I know that our joke was not far from the truth?

Did I know soon thereafter I’d trade beer for Vermouth?

I did not.

Nobody warned me.

I drank and I liked the taste of it.

I drank and I didn’t make haste of it.

I drank and I couldn’t bear wasting it.

Twenty-six and my wedding day.

He was so sweet and gentle and gay.

That night they brought champagne on a tray.

Did I think of the pain we would have to endure?

When he learned and he cursed at my poison, my cure?

I did not.

I didn’t want to.

I drank and I liked the taste of it.

I drank and I didn’t make haste of it.

I drank and I couldn’t bear wasting it.

I was fifty-three when reality hit.

This would kill me whether or not I quit.

I tried for his sake, but I cheated a bit.

Did I know through it all he would stay by my side?

Did I know in his trust and his love I relied?

I did.

And I hate myself for it.

I drank and I liked the taste of it.

I drank and I didn’t make haste of it.

I drank and I couldn’t bear wasting it.

Now I am sixty and my skin is yellow.

I am wrapped in these blankets, he says I look sallow.

In him I have everything yet I feel so hollow.

I lost him and myself to the green bottled bait.

To think I was just five when I sealed my fate.

I know this.

This is how my world ends.